TO MY SISTERS (by request)

A friend of mine wanted her relationship with her future husband to last forever, but his insensitivity, and inability, or unwillingness to treat her with respect assured her that forever would never happen. He made it clear that his behavior is not a problem.

Many women are intrigued by, and often gravitate toward, a man we can show off. We choose the one who is charismatic and who can astutely decorate his muscular physique. And, we want the man with articulated expressions of worldly adventures, and the man with a strong portfolio, driving a posh car, and let us not forget great in bed. All in the same person. This is the man we want to marry. I am not saying that these qualities are not important, and perhaps more to some of you than to others. However, some of the men we think are “all that”, often, have no concept of what it is to appreciate a woman, nor do they understand how to nurture a relationship. If he is displaying narcissistic behaviors, or unkind behaviors then, he doesn’t value your feelings, and he’s probably searching for someone new to impress. Or, he might be a really great guy, and may appear to be Mr. Right, but, he may not be the right man for you.

More important, does this man follow Christ? Because a true man of God, who just might possess many of the aforementioned positive qualities, is also honest, respectful, and thoughtful. He possesses leadership qualities; he is willing to provide stability and security for his family. And, he is handsome, if only to you.

Most important, the words he speaks to your situation— is the Word of God. A man who loves God first. This man will no doubt have issues as well as any other. However, he is willing to work on those issues- honestly and prayerfully. When there are differences between him and his wife, or future wife, he ushers you both into the presence of the Lord for resolution.

Sisters, I would like to suggest, that you become very familiar with your own value as a woman of God. Ask God to fix your perfect imperfections. Then, and only then will you begin to reject the imitators, the men who are not a good match for you. You will begin to embrace only the best job, the best man, the best things for you. By accepting people for who and what they are, and by remaining honest and genuine about how they affect us, is how we develop a true sense of peace and harmony in relationships. Not every man who shows interest in you will be the right fit.

Please understand it is important to set boundaries. Boundaries are in place to keep you safe from the people who cannot be trusted with your well-being. Some people should have limited access.

I would like to suggest that you never enter any relationship with the thought of shutting one eye and focusing only on what is attractive to you. Because, the unattractive parts, the unhealthy parts, the unsafe parts— still exist.

Proverbs 18:22 states, "He who finds a wife, finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord".

ADJUSTMENTS

To Shift from one position, to another.

We adjust our position, our attention, our focus and our attitude based on what is happening in/around us. Sometimes the adjustment is involuntary. But, oftentimes the adjustment is due to our discomfort with a current situation or environment. Either way, whether the shift occurs as an immediate reaction, or a well planned response—makes a huge difference.

When we have a sudden itch or pain, our reaction is to make a sudden physical shift  to make ourselves more comfortable. While a sudden lane change can be catastrophic, as can an emotional outburst of anger.

A reactionary shift could potentially lead to an increase risk, anxiety or depression.

When a living condition, relationship, or job requires a change it becomes more important to prepare a planned response.

A calculated response will more likely have a greater, and more positive influence on the overall outcome.

When I’ve taken the time to assess my situation, to pray and to wait, I allow God to work it out. My best, and most productive response has always been lead by the Holy Spirit.

Psalm 118:5-6

“When hard pressed, I cried to the LORD; he brought me into a spacious place. The LORD is with me; I will not be afraid. What can mere mortals do to me?”

If your adjustment is life-altering, you don’t want to risk an impulsive reaction. You can trust the Lord to lead and to guide you through this process.

Psalm 119:105

“Your word is a lamp to guide my feet

    and a light for my path.”

Reflecting

What you see in the mirror is a reflection of who you are today.

Although people, experiences and situations of your past are part of your life, they do not have to identify who you are today. But, don’t deny or lie about their existence. They happened.

I’ve heard someone say, ‘they don’t care what anyone thinks about them.’ But, their opinions matter. The way that you engage the world around you—matters. Your behavior, good or bad affects people, and they have every right to feel what they feel when they encounter you. And you are responsible for your own behavior. You may have to make amends to someone you have offended, before you can make any changes. Although this can be very uncomfortable, you must be willing to listen, and to accept what is said, without denying it. Then, moving forward, if you want positive feedback and positive consequences, then be a more positive person. Consider the impact that your actions have on others. Someone is watching and learning from you, that you may never see again. Leave a favorable impression on others.

Once you have accepted the existence of your past, and you’ve  made amends, then you can leave it all in the past. There are flawed, fractured, and broken pieces of every adult, and healing/recovery/ repentance can only occur when you’re able to accept the truth of your past.

Own it! Fix it! Move On!

Then, praise God for how far you’ve come. Just remember we are a constant work in progress. God is not finished shaping and shifting you. He wants to bring you closer to Him. He wants you to be more like Him. Therefore, as we learn better, we’re expected to do better.

So, as you continue to grow through your life, be kind to yourself, because guilt and shame are not productive. Those are the devils weapons to keep you in bondage. Own your negative behaviors, change your behaviors and Move On!

It helps to have someone that makes you want to be less selfish. Someone you can make feel they’re valuable to you. The way you think, feel and behave towards that person, or pet can help you focus on more positive behaviors. Then, love the person you are today, and embrace the person you are becoming.

1 Corinthians 13:11: "When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me".