TO MY SISTERS (by request)

A friend of mine wanted her relationship with her future husband to last forever, but his insensitivity, and inability, or unwillingness to treat her with respect assured her that forever would never happen. He made it clear that his behavior is not a problem.

Many women are intrigued by, and often gravitate toward, a man we can show off. We choose the one who is charismatic and who can astutely decorate his muscular physique. And, we want the man with articulated expressions of worldly adventures, and the man with a strong portfolio, driving a posh car, and let us not forget great in bed. All in the same person. This is the man we want to marry. I am not saying that these qualities are not important, and perhaps more to some of you than to others. However, some of the men we think are “all that”, often, have no concept of what it is to appreciate a woman, nor do they understand how to nurture a relationship. If he is displaying narcissistic behaviors, or unkind behaviors then, he doesn’t value your feelings, and he’s probably searching for someone new to impress. Or, he might be a really great guy, and may appear to be Mr. Right, but, he may not be the right man for you.

More important, does this man follow Christ? Because a true man of God, who just might possess many of the aforementioned positive qualities, is also honest, respectful, and thoughtful. He possesses leadership qualities; he is willing to provide stability and security for his family. And, he is handsome, if only to you.

Most important, the words he speaks to your situation— is the Word of God. A man who loves God first. This man will no doubt have issues as well as any other. However, he is willing to work on those issues- honestly and prayerfully. When there are differences between him and his wife, or future wife, he ushers you both into the presence of the Lord for resolution.

Sisters, I would like to suggest, that you become very familiar with your own value as a woman of God. Ask God to fix your perfect imperfections. Then, and only then will you begin to reject the imitators, the men who are not a good match for you. You will begin to embrace only the best job, the best man, the best things for you. By accepting people for who and what they are, and by remaining honest and genuine about how they affect us, is how we develop a true sense of peace and harmony in relationships. Not every man who shows interest in you will be the right fit.

Please understand it is important to set boundaries. Boundaries are in place to keep you safe from the people who cannot be trusted with your well-being. Some people should have limited access.

I would like to suggest that you never enter any relationship with the thought of shutting one eye and focusing only on what is attractive to you. Because, the unattractive parts, the unhealthy parts, the unsafe parts— still exist.

Proverbs 18:22 states, "He who finds a wife, finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord".